1. “Oh. He’s in oil industry?” This is usually followed by unsolicited opinion about something political or environment related and we don’t care! We didn’t ask your opinion nor do we want to hear it. Thanks!

2. “Isn’t that dangerous?” Is that a legitimate question? Have you watched Deepwater Horizon? Of course it is and we don’t want to think about it! In the back of every oilfield wife’s mind is horror, so how about you don’t remind us about the possibility of an incident, an accident or an explosion. We rather not dwell on it all day.

3. “What about sex?” Umm… ok… First, what happens in my bedroom isn’t your business, but if that’s the foundation of your relationship, I feel sorry for you!! A successful marriage of any kind depends on much more than just sex. So, I should ask you… can you go weeks, months or even a year without sex? No? Maybe you should be applauding us for keeping our libido in check or ask us for advice on how to deal! Now, when he’s home… color. Lots and lots of coloring!! Every crayon in the box!!

4. “Will he be home for Christmas/ Anniversary/Birthday/birth of the baby?” His schedule is usually on a rotational basis and if that particular holiday or milestone falls within those dates, yes! If not, no. We know you mean no harm by asking, but please don’t!

5. “You chose this, so you can’t complain about it.” Well, ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black?! I chose it. I live it. I deal with it. Every day my husband works, he is risking his life to make your life more comfortable. No? That’s not true? Do you drive a car? Ride a bike? Use a phone? Love insulated coffee cups? Use any type of shoes with a sole or possibly own a refrigerator? Hmm… I know my husband works hard to provide for his family and he’s proud to do what he does but it doesn’t mean it’s easy.

6. “What do you do while he’s gone?” Everything and try to remain completely sane while doing so. I’m sure there’s some oilfield wives who don’t have a clue what to do, but I am not one of them. Raising kids is tough and being a single parent is even harder. When he’s gone, I become mom, dad, cook, chauffeur, handyman, landscaper… trust me, I stay busy. Sometimes too busy. I miss the help and get lonely but I’m definitely not bored.

7. “You don’t miss him?” Seriously?

8. “I am sure you’re used to him being gone by now.” Somewhat yes. For the past 15 years, I have struggled, fought and dealt with his changing schedule and adapted. I deal with things differently than the average wife. I realize he may not be there for parent night, prom, first performance, Christmas morning, your Anniversary, etc but you never get used to not having the love of your life home.

9. “One time, my husband had to go away for a weekend business trip. I totally understand!” I should throat punch you right now. You do not understand. Did your husband work 12+ hour days nonstop with someone breathing down their neck? Was he able to call you at anytime? I bet he got paid extra for that weekend too, right? We would welcome a business trip here or there. And whatever connection you’re trying to make with me isn’t going to happen that way. Next…

10. “I don’t know how you do it; I couldn’t.” Although I know this is intended to be a compliment, it bothers me. Maybe because it reminds me of how hard it really is. We have no built-in support, no base, no family readiness groups, no wives club… nothing. As oilfield wives, we have no clue what we signed up for and we face a lot of challenges. We may be badass mom’s and wives but offering to help would be amazing. Coffee with a friend, a cooked meal, a play date, free babysitting, offer to run an errand… even just a hug! Tell me you’re here for me no matter what…day or night! Any gesture of support and friendship is welcomed.

Are you freaking out now? Have you said 1, 3 or all of these things to an oilfield wife? It’s ok. Now you know!

PS: We still love you.

Credit where credit is due… Katie posted something similar in 2013 at RealOilfieldWives.com, which inspired this blog post.