"I Don't Really Deserve Success" and Other Lies I Tell Myself
/WHAT IS IMPOSTER SYNDROME?
Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Or feared that others would start to see through you and realize that you don’t deserve your title, your job, and/or your accomplishments? If so, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! And you, like me, are suffering from Imposter Syndrome.
This topic is one I am incredibly passionate about and one I coach women through every single day…because I’ve been there — and still visit sometimes. Here are my thoughts on the subject...
Imposter syndrome is so common and I’ve openly struggled with it for years. The truth is it is 100% self-doubt. It’s not believing in your own abilities. It’s thinking because at some point you weren’t “good enough” how can you be now? I believe it comes from a sense of shame and feeling like someone will “see” you don’t belong or reveal you’re not as amazing as some believe. It’s us holding onto our past selves.
Impostor syndrome expert Valerie Young, who is the author of a book on the subject, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, has also found patterns in people who experience impostor feelings:
“Perfectionists” set extremely high expectations for themselves, and even if they meet 99% of their goals, they’re going to feel like failures. Any small mistake will make them question their own competence.
“Experts” feel the need to know every piece of information before they start a project and constantly look for new certifications or trainings to improve their skills. They won’t apply for a job if they don’t meet all the criteria in the posting, and they might be hesitant to ask a question in class or speak up in a meeting at work because they’re afraid of looking stupid if they don’t already know the answer.
When the “natural genius” has to struggle or work hard to accomplish something, he or she thinks this means they aren’t good enough. They are used to skills coming easily, and when they have to put in effort, their brain tells them that’s proof they’re an impostor.
“Soloists” feel they have to accomplish tasks on their own, and if they need to ask for help, they think that means they are a failure or a fraud.
“Supermen” or “superwomen” push themselves to work harder than those around them to prove that they’re not impostors. They feel the need to succeed in all aspects of life—at work, as parents, as partners—and may feel stressed when they are not accomplishing something.
But we grow everyday. I know I’m not who I was 10 years ago, 10 months ago, 10 days ago or even 10 hours ago. We are always changing, evolving and growing and that’s a good thing!
I just told a sweet friend that imposter syndrome is telling yourself you can’t and I don’t know about you, but when someone tells me I can’t do something, it lights a fire under me and I’m out to prove them wrong. So why do we tell ourselves we can’t? We can and we ARE doing the things. We ARE an EXPERT to someone!! If you can teach someone something they didn’t know, you’re their “expert!!” Think about that!!
YOU are capable. You are worthy. So stop holding yourself back. You wouldn’t let someone else determine your worth or tell you what you can or can’t do, so stop with the negative self-talk and own it... you’re a powerful force and have so much to offer the world.
Now go shine your light and unleash your inner sparkle!!
